Welcome Back from Break

Welcome back from fall break Tuck Hockey followers and fans,

quick update on the B-Team front - a vicious game sunday before the decsi final that saw John "Current Ratio of 1" H. blast a snap shot from the blue line for a tremedous goal. Current Ratio of 1 because when he's currently on the ice, he's an asset for about 30 seconds and a liability for the next 30. (30/30=1). That joke will be my homage to accounting. Moving on.

B Team also saw a "timeout" with about 20 minutes to play after a few of the players got too winded and couldn't see straight. Matt "No Cup" D. definitely saw some hurt out there after taking a shot to his babymaker. Other highlights included Nate "The Skate" B. coming down from that team that shall not be named to swim in the kiddie pool with the B-Teamers.

The Andy "Glass Jaw" N. quote (or more accurately, paraphrase) of the game (or possibly something I made up, you decide) - "Its not like anyone out there is BAD per se, its just that I'm a lot better than they are."

we've added a new section here at Tuck Hockey, a Tuck Hockey Roundup. The strength of the hockey program for the week will be rated by the following qualities on their respective scales. The categories, adpoted from the key factors to social prominence in Washington DC, and their meanings for Tuck Hockey, follow:

1. RBVs - were the participants drinking or partying on the ice or particularly hard that week. In DC, being able to drink RBVs is possibly the most important social skill.
Scale for RBVs: shots of vodka, one being the worst, greater quantities better

2. Aggressive Behavior - measuring the "get after it-ness" of the players. In DC, to be the best, you need to get aggressive.
Scale for Aggressive Behavior: not so much to SO aggressive

3. Takedowns - speaks for itself.
Scale for Takedowns: small (worst) to huge and beyond (best)

4. DC - attendance. You need to be in DC to be social in DC.
Scale for DC: Adams Morgan (worst, and worst neighborhood in DC), Glover Park (medium, a decent neighborhood), Georgetown ( the best)

5. lax (as in lacrosse) - athleticism. The only appropriate sport to have played in DC, MD and VA.
Scale: Not Lax to Super Lax

6. lippers (as in chewing tobacco) - the buzz on campus. You should constantly talk about having these late-night in DC.
Scale - Kodiak (worst) to Skoal (medium) to Copenhagen (best)

The schedule for the week:

Monday night women's and tripod, wednesday night B Team and tripod, Sunday night Tripod and B Team.

Breaking News!

Another stick broken by The Menacing Traut this week in a Bald Bulls match. He reportedly took off his skate and tried to cut a guy. We also saw Cobra Kai's matchup against Mike Tyson. Yes friends, two heavyweights and nemesis from childhood video games and movies battled in the frosty oval in a game of epic proportions. The Tyson's took out Cobra Kai like Little Mac (just Wikipedia it if you didn't get it, I can't do all the work around here). The 5-4 matchup was marked by extreme violence and more than a few bruised egos. Take it easy out there, and remember you basically have knives attached to your feet.

This week also saw a win by the Golden Girls 2-1 over an unnamed opponent. Someday I will get better information on women's hockey (if you play women's hockey, please tell me about it!). Until I get better info, I have to assume the game was somewhat like a Mighty Ducks movie without the dudes.

B Team had by far the best ice time this week but a weak turnout. They call it the little B-Team that could.

A BLOWOUT on the ice this week as the Dead Presidents resurrected themselves to a 4-0 win over the headless horsemen. Fritz "#1 Stunna" F. spent some time in the penalty box for inappropriate behaviour. Word is he mistook the ice for a slip-n-slide. The end of the second period was described to this writer as similar to Ragnarok, since a viking berzerker mentality took hold of both teams (reportedly the heaviest combat was between "McCainiac" George of the DPs and "HW Bush" George of the HH). No valiant warriors were sent to Vallhalla that night, but a few goals were scored as tempers cooled.

Women's hockey had a dinner tonight, and the chicken reportedly may have been a little dry.

Until next time, this is your Tuck Hockey Fan saying "keep your stick on the ice." If you can name that quote without Googling it, I have a prize for you.

Results through lunch

Buzz around the lunchroom for tripod hockey - "joltin joe" Bastian had zero goals during the Dead Presidents v. Cobra Kai match (citing Bastian). Cobra Kai were nimble on their feet as the Dead Presidents were cut down like JFK in a motorcade (too soon? I didn't feel good writing that) Final score 4-3.

In women's hockey, the Golden Girls took on the Facts of Life and it ended in a tie. Just like Dorothy's love life. SNAP - take that Bea Arthur.

B-Team scrimmage left most winded and all sweaty. Many goals were scored. No tears were cried. Andy "Glass Jaw" N. CLAIMED 10 goals and trash talked for the whole hour.

In a Bald Bulls v. Headless Horsemen matchup, L. "The Menacing Traut" Trautwein broke one stick. Unclear about the final score.

And finally the East India Trading Company v. Headless Horsemen test match was definitively settled in favor of the EITC in a 3 to 1 conquering. Lud "Ichabod Crane" captained the Headless Horsemen, while EITC came thorugh with a royally chartered monopoly on the ice. Goals by at least "Captain Crunch" Carson and "Too Tall" Ho, possibly others.

Beginning of 08-09 Season

Season was off to a rockin start with "joltin" Frank Madden and "joltin" Max Grender-Jones being picked for the Bald Bulls. Can anyone say "dream team"?

Rumor has it the top 18 draft picks were given lobster dinners courtesy of their new organizations, but things are already looking dicey for the East India Trading Company and possible trades are being discussed....